take it all in, don't let it out
by dulcets
Summary: everybody loves you, and you love it. / jade-centric. jade/everybody, basically.


**take it all in, don't let it out**

**summary: **everybody loves you, and you love it.

**a/n:** idek what this is i was just sitting around missing victorious and this came out. sorry it sucks and it's so disjointed/weird. try to enjoy.

* * *

;

"you broke my heart," a voice says in her dream, but she can't quite tell who it belongs to.

her eyes pop open, and she smiles.

;

she thinks it starts with cat. at least, that's who she remembers.

on the first day of sixth grade, a big group of girls with coach purses and clearly stuffed-bras are making fun of a petite, doe-eyed girl for having light-up sneakers.

"for fuck's sake," jade mutters under her breath, and makes her way over to the scene.

she kicks the nearest bleach blonde bimbo in the shin, grabs the small girl from the center of the circle, and pulls her away from the group. after giving everyone the finger, of course.

;

"i think i love you."

"yeah," she lifts a bottle up to her lips, takes a swig. "i know."

;

after jade pulls the girl to safety, she suddenly feels the breath knocked out of her as someone wraps their arms tightly around her frame.

"that was so cool of you to save me!" the girl shrieks. "i'm cat! y'know, like the animal, only i'm actually just a person!"

"yeah," jade pries her new acquaintance off of her, rolling her eyes, "cool. i'm jade. never hug me again."

"kay kay!"

(later that week, cat invites her to a sleepover and while they're in the middle of a movie marathon, she presses her lips against jade's. at least she kept her promise.)

;

beck asks her out 9 times within their first week of high school, and each time ends up with a different injury/ruined shirt. finally, after he shows up at her house on sunday night holding up a boombox with the song "can't help falling in love" playing from it, she finally complies.

"one date," she yells out from her window, "and if i hate it then you have to leave me alone forever."

he's grinning harder than she thought humanly possible. "as you wish, miss west."

;

"i don't know how to love. i never have," she confesses.

"maybe i can teach you."

;

the date goes surprisingly well, all things considering. after it ends, they go back to his place for a horror movie marathon.

"can i kiss you?" he questions as freddy krueger chases the main character around a boiler room.

she scoffs, punches him in the shoulder for asking such a stupid question, but lets him kiss her nonetheless.

;

she stays after school to help andre write a song on a random wednesday night.

it's close to midnight, and she might just be tired but swears she can see him staring at her out of the corner of her eyes.

she sings some of the lyrics she came up with, and smirks when he can't seem to get his voice to work. then she shows him some hand trick beck taught her and full-on grins when she feels that his hands are slightly sweaty. (even though it's kinda gross.)

jade west likes being wanted.

;

"how do you know i'm not the one you need?"

she sighs, laces their fingers together. "i know everything."

;

here's the part to the story we never got to hear: beck oliver and jade west broke up 4 times over the course of their relationship.

jade west and andre harris fucked 4 times.

he can't deny that he's pretty surprised when she shows up at his house at 11 o'clock on a school night. he's even more surprised when she pushes her way through his door, leads him up to his room, and pulls him onto the bed with her.

after the initial shock wears off, he gets himself together and starts matching her ferocity with his own, tongues clashing and teeth biting and nails scratching.

he finds himself smiling every time he hears the news that beck&jade are over, knowing that later tonight he'll get to taste the bitter-sweetness that is jade west once again.

;

she catches tori staring at her, sometimes.

not like a "what the fuck is wrong with you" type of way, or a "do you really need to be so mean to me" way, but more like tori is checking her out.

for example, jade lets her frisk on christmas to make sure she isn't carrying her scissors, she tells her not to be shy. she sees tori's eyes make their way down to jade's chest and quickly back up. she blushes.

jade smirks.

;

"i think you might be what i want."

jade rolls her eyes, slams the door shut.

;

she corners tori in the girl's bathroom one day out of the blue.

"what the heck, you can't just-"

jade shuts her up by pressing their lips together. she slams tori into a stall door and grinds her hips against the other girl's. tori, shocked, stands stiff.

"i wanted to know what it was like," jade growls "to kiss the girl everyone loves." (oh, but there are two girls everyone loves now.)

"i'm not... _gay"_ tori whispers the last word, bringing her fingers up to her lips as if she's unsure.

jade nods, squeezes tori's left hip, causing her to shiver. she starts to walk out the door, but then pauses, turns around again. "who're you trying to convince?"

;

someone calls robbie a faggot, and later jade catches him sitting alone in the janitor's closet, trying to hold back tears.

she sits next to him, both of their backs pressed against the wall. "who cares what they say, rob?"

"me," he says, and his voice cracks, "i care. i care so much i can't stand it."

she sighs, pats his knee, and gets up to leave.

;

"you know what i think? i think you're broken like me."

she chips a piece of black nail polish off. "i don't break."

;

robbie's at her house, and they're supposed to be studying, but jade has decided that she's had enough biology for one night.

she steals a bottle of bourbon from her dad's liquor cabinet, and hands it to robbie with a sly smile.

his eyes go wide. "oh no," he stammers, "i don't drink."

jade rolls her eyes, "everyone drinks, idiot. lighten up."

somehow they both get drunk enough to confess secrets to each other. she tells him about the time she kissed cat and how she's pretty sure beck is cheating on her. she leaves out the part about how she doesn't really care anymore.

he ends up telling her about how his dad abandoned him when he was young, how rex was the only thing he had left of him. she imagines him, a skimpy little boy with an abandoned look on his face holding a puppet half the size of him.

she kisses him on the cheek, but he knows what she really means.

;

she starts smoking pot with ryder about 2 weeks after her final breakup with beck.

the first time she does it, they're at a party with about 200 other people and she just so happens to run into him as he's rolling a joint. she's already had countless red cups filled with god knows what, so when he hands her his joint and a lighter she figures, why the hell not?

"jade west," he drawls, "i always knew you were a party girl."

she blows smoke in his face. "ryder daniels. i always knew you could be useful for something."

;

"we'd be good together."

she laughs, loud and clear. "in your dreams, maybe."

;

they start out just getting together at parties, but later end up meeting in his basement every saturday night.

"y'know," he says as she rolls a joint and places it in her mouth. he lights it for her. "beck was a real idiot for letting a girl like you go."

"you just saying that to try and get in my pants, daniels?" she says, eyes narrowed, but he knows it's lighthearted.

he shrugs, she passes the joint to him, and he takes a hit. "so what if i am?"

it feels like ages since she's been touched, so instead of punching him like she normally would have, she kisses him, hard and fast and rough. they fuck on his basement floor. she swears she almost feels something again.

;

sinjin's been obsessed with her ever since he caught sight of her at freshman orientation.

she noticed him staring at her, but decided to shrug it off because he looked harmless, and hey, she can be nice sometimes.

eventually his infatuation became more severe, to the point where he was secretly taking pictures of her and sneaking into her house.

she screamed at him, told him that this was far from okay, but secretly her heart swelled at the thought of someone wanting her this bad.

;

"i think you're more beautiful than the flowers. you're more radiant than the sun. i wish i could look at you all day."

"i think you should fuck off," she says with a death glare.

;

one day, she's sitting alone at lunch when sinjin waltzes right up and sets his tray down next to hers.

"before you tell me to go away, i just wanted to let you know that i think, deep down, you're a really good person. and when you say horrible things to people and run over them, you actually mean well," he rambles.

she stays silent for a while, picking at her salad. finally, she responds. "why are you telling me this?"

he smiles. "i don't think you get told enough."

she lets him sit with her for the rest of the lunch period. it's her way of saying thank you.

;

she thinks back to the time when her mother told her that no one would ever love her, not with all the black she wears and all her tattoos and all the piercings in her face.

she stares at herself in the mirror, presses her fingertips against the glass, and smiles.

_you were wrong, _she thinks, _they love me. they all love me. everybody loves me._

;

in her dream, she rips out the heart of everyone who loves her. she puts them all in separate jars, and labels each of them. cat, beck, andre, tori, robbie, ryder, sinjin.

she throws them all on the ground, one by one. the jars all shatter; all the hearts break.

;

"do you love us?" everybody questions.

"no," she tells them all. "i don't."

"why don't you love us?"

_you should know why, _jade thinks, _because i'm jade west. i don't love anyone._

;

"you broke my heart," a voice says in her dream, but she can't quite tell who it belongs to.

her eyes pop open, and she smiles.

if there's anything jade west loves, it's breaking things.

;

* * *

thanks for reading! please leave a review, constructive criticism is always appreciated! oh and if you have any question/are confused just pm me :)


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